So there’s this characteristic about me I used to be proud of… I want… no, NEED to be productive.  I want to see something accomplished, finished, completed.  I stare at a finished table.  I inspect and hold a cutting board for an hour after its declared done.  I make endless to-do lists everyday.  I LOVE crossing things off said lists.

There’s another characteristic about me that I enjoy… I LOVE LOVE LOVE spending time with my son Ash.  My heart beats outside my chest when he giggles or grins.  I even laugh lately when he throws a fit.  He is learning to crawl, learning how to hold and roll and throw a ball, learning to wrestle and injure me… I love it.

These characteristics are at times in tension with one another.  My need to accomplish a task and my need to see my son giggle at times work against each other.  I’m still learning how to leave the last five tasks on my to do list unfinished while I hang out with ask and watch him bite the tail of his favorite toy Mr. T (a green tyrannosaurs rex).  I’m still learning that its okay to work on a table one more week because its more important to read 5 books in a row about red fish and blue fish, farm animals getting a blue truck out of a jam, and catching a fish with a deep sea smile.  I wish I could say i choose correctly every time, but I can’t.  But we’re working on it.